Steve suggested in the comments that I give Tommie a gun. I thought I'd go with the slightly less violent, much less difficult to draw, and infintely more juvenile fart spray. (Did you know that fart spray can be shipped by ground only? They must be concerned about the cans exploding mid-flight: "Enough is enough!" shouted the pilot. "I've had it with these motherfucking farts on this motherfucking plane!")